||[Sep. 9th, 2005|08:20 pm]
before internship, I couldn't discipline myself to keep a schedule,|
I couldn't stop drinking,
I kept returning to smoking,
and falling in pornography,
not getting enough sleep,
couldn't discipline myself to read the Bible,
always wasting time,
Now, I feel like I'm wasting time just writing this reflection...
Like I will cause a cataclysmic event if I drink one beer,
Like I must go to bed at 10 because no matter what I'll still wake up like I got no sleep,
Like I must carry a water bottle at all times,
Eat three healthy meals a day,
Like I don't have enough energy for lust,
Like the Bible is there to keep me alive,
Like I'm infinitely behind no matter what,
always walking to and from school and college-- sometimes as much as 60 minutes a day.
Like I don't have to worry about wasting another Saturday,
because it's already booked with tuition payments, cascades of homework, required housework, and even a 2-3 hour visit to the elementary school.
This is my life.