Indian Children, indian children

Requests and Praise


1. For a family I saw at Meijers. It was like a mom and five children. She was rather overwhelmed and one of the children was telling her how he hated her. She said, "That is fine," but I could tell it really pinched a nerve. Pray that God gives her strength, hope, and is present in her family.

2. For my mental diagnosis-- Bipolar. God has been instrumental in bringing peace to my heart and rescuing me from the clutches of satan as I was bound for years spiritually through Manic-Depression. Now, it's lessening, God is speaking volumes into my life, and I've reduced my drug intake considerably, but I'm asking you to pray for my full recovery. By the Name of Jesus.


Praise the Lord that there was this series on MTV today called, "The Life and Times of...." It featured today the rapper, Kayne West, and he got up there and boldly proclaimed the name of Jesus and sang a song to his mom about how great she is! It was so unexpected to see a bright light on MTV. I want to buy his album because he took his fame and spoke as clear as a sermon on MTV where millions could view him speaking on a Saturday!
Indian Children, indian children

(no subject)

Let's See How Much God Has Changed Me!
Current mood :: blessed, peaceful, worried that I may have wasted some moments of my life
Current taste :: fresh air
Current hair :: brown
Current clothes :: Noodles and Company work shirt, blue jeans, dress shoes without socks
Current annoyance :: vile words that come out of my mouth
Current thing I ought to be doing :: PRAYING
Current desktop picture:: I own no computer nor do I need one.
Current favorite musician(s): WORSHIPPERS GATHERING TOGETHER!

Current book :: I skip around, the only constant literature is the Bible.
Current crush :: none
Current favorite celeb:: none
Current hate :: sin
Smoke? :: no
Do drugs? :: no
Have a dream that keeps coming back? :: no, last night I dreamed I was setting tables. roflol.

Read the newspaper? :: occasionally
Have any gay or lesbian friends? :: yes!
Believe in miracles :: YES!
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? :: yes!
Consider yourself tolerant of others? :: not enough
Consider love a mistake? :: no
Like the taste of alcohol? :: not anyone
Have a favorite candy? International candy
Believe in astrology? :: satan has power on this earth, do not partake
Believe in magic? :: I believe in miracles.
Believe in God? :: ABSOLUTELY!
Have any piercings? ::no.
Hate yourself :: no.
Have an obsession? :: God.
Have a secret crush? :: Crushes come and go.
Do they know yet? ::
Care about looks? :: Looks are a gift from God.


Ever been in love? :: nope
Do you believe in love at first sight? :: no
Describe your ideal significant other ::

A woman in tune with the Holy Spirit, who will follow the Bible 100% without compromise in her life and will follow me wherever God leads, even to death

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? :: No.
Height :: 5'11


Bought :: hmmm..... a book about Leaving a Christian Legacy and Annointing Oil and dollar slices of pizza
Ate :: hmmm.... a bagel, milk, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts (whatever is left at my house that I don't have to pay for)
Drank :: milk
Read :: The Bible
Watched on tv :: Don't remember, I watch too much.


club or houseparty :: HOUSEPARTY! I LOVE YOU GUYS AND GALS!
drinks or shots :: "Do not be drunk on wine but be filled with the Holy Spirit."
cats or dogs :: either or
pen or pencil :: pen
gloves or mittens :: I'd like to find me some international guy mittens.
food or candy :: FOOD!
cassette or cd :: CD
coke or pepsi :: Coke
this or that :: It's like this and like that and like dis and eh.


kill :: wow, the first thing that popped into my mind was satan
look like :: a man at peace with how he looks with a goofy smile on his face
avoid :: satan
talk to :: godly people! All peopl!
hug :: everyone, it's just that if you hug certain people they take it the wrong way. :(
instant message :: well, right now that would be Katrina just to conversate about God.
eat :: Cookie Monster.


Dated one of your best friends? :: a good friend
Loved somebody so much it maked you cry? :: Yes.
Drank alcohol? :: yes.
Done drugs? :: sniffed formaledehyde.
Broken the law? :: yes.

Broken a bone? :: fractured toe.
Played Truth Or Dare? :: I watched.
Been in a fight? :: the only serious fight was with my brother
Come close to dying? :: multiple times I imagine.
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? :: Little Mermaid Soundtrack
Your bedroom looks like? :: a library hit by a hurricane.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? :: A small glass of apple juice, a small glass of oj, a glass of V-8, hashbrowns, vegetable omelette with sausage in it.
Your favorite restaurant? :: Noodles and Company because of the customer service....... (Yes, I'm conceited.)
What's on your bedside table? :: A bunch of valuable junk to me, missions flyers, toiletries, lots of Bibles, music CDs.
What do you do when you raided the fridge late at night?: God are you trying to convict me?! yikes!
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? :: Luther-- because martyrdom is so beautiful when Luther's Dutch friend is burned alive.
What is your biggest fear? :: fear
What are you most insecure about? :: ummm... God's lifting all my insecurities.
do you ever have to beg? :: Yes!
Are you a pyromaniac? :: I like fire! It's very aesthetic.
Do you know anyone famous? JESUS
Describe your bed :: futon
Spontaneous or plain? :: both!
Do you know how to play poker? :: nope
What do you carry with you at all time? :: shoot, where's my Bible?! I carry my keys on a band I put around my neck and take off for work. There is a 1GB USB Key on the band.
What do you miss most about being little? :: my dadda.
What color is your bedroom? :: Green--- THANK YOU JOHN HUGHES and ANGIE RIDER!
What was the last song you were listening to? :: The last song playing in my head is "This is my commandment, to honor YOU!"
Do you talk a lot? : yes! I'm proud of how God has made me!
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? :: ABSOLUTELY NOT
do you consider yourself to be a nice person? :: I consider myself to have the heart of God but I let sinful nature creep in sometimes.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends? :: friends, as I'm not in a relationship!
holding hands? :: I think of the trust of a child and the tenderness of a meaningful relationship.
Are you a tease? :: I like to play, but I try to be careful not to lead on.
Shy to make the first move? :: no
Rubber :: band
Punk :: rock
Green :: Giant
Peanut :: Barrel
Wet :: and Wild
Hay :: ride
Cold :: case files
Steamy :: shower
freaky :: Friday
Rain :: Gutter
Bite :: sized candy
Indian Children, indian children

(no subject)

ACTS 3:16-17

"It is by faith in the name of Jesus that has brought complete healing to this man."

I am this man!

Jesus has cured me of:



Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

I sleep well and have inner peace!

Indian Children, indian children


Oh God, do hear my cry.
To You I have ignored.
In my day of shame,
I hid behind the bush and ran to the tree,

to consume what my hungry flesh may.
Devouring every last apple,
'til the tree became pale,
and me sick and empty,

my venom spew forth all over my being,
the vomit of a drunk on carnality,
on sin,
on hate outward cast inward,

This is what I've become.

But in me you still remain,
oh Ray of light,
Shine in me,
Fill up the empty pain-laden vessel,

Restore unto me the joy of my salvation,
bringing with it a sound mind,
declared By Your Name Jesus,
Binding the works of the evil one in the name of you Jesus.

I am free.

Ready to fly.
Ready to do Your work.
By Your spoken Word,

Indian Children, indian children

A Reflection

My decision I make today will effect the rest of my life...

to stay or to go...

I feel I'm carried down a cookie-cut path with one direction, thinking not for myself. What can I create from my own? What can I explore on my own accord? Where is the right time to jump out or stay in?

Careful slow thinking is required. Is there one direction, one path I belong down and failure everywhere else? Look how far I've come. What is failure? What is success? What brings satisfaction? What breaks the spirit and what restores it? Back to Open Space I may sing...

Missing yesterday, cherishing today, growing into a new creature.

Yes, I love teaching. I love inspiring. I love reaching. I have a place. I have a belonging. But...

why should I leave then? Why do I feel I can't go on? Am I giving up or am I making a good decision?

This is a one of a kind learning opportunity I have.
I am in it.
Indian Children, indian children

(no subject)

What prompted me to gain the heart to give up?
When did the dream slip out of my fingers?
Why do I fail to regain my bearings?
Where does my hope come from?

I go to bed and wake up and my atheist roommate says I yell violently and toss and turn in my sleep.

I come home exhausted everyday from internship and I'm told that I'm more of a drain than a contribution.


Already, in the first 500 meters of the five mile race, I feel dead.

I feel like cashing in my chips,

but the chips are all I am.

So to give up is to die.


You know, I'd just like to go back to preschool teaching. ;) I would like to do one more Sunday School lesson like back in the day. I would like to be seen as a positive force in this world. I would like stand on the mountain or swim in the valley and have the Lord say well done.

You know God, all I've struggled with has begun to fall by the way-side.

I longed so long to be done with lust-- it passes away as unimportant.
I didn't know how to give up the bottle or the cigarrette-- yet it left as swiftly as it entered.
I longed to walk down the steps of a hallway with pride and make students and faculty's day,

that seemed to come and pass already.


Right here, I feel I have little hope.

The breath I have should be spent on doing some schoolwork right now, at least something, dammit, but I wrote because it has to come out.

My bitterness is seething.

And my handle on life is so off right now, that I almost got hit by a car yesterday. They won't slowdown! GRRR...


I'll just say it feels like I'm broken to hear you say, that I'm taking away from your ability to perform in the classroom and have the students needs met. And I feel if I left, I would be permanently blemished. That there would be this scar that made me unemployable, that there would be nothing to cover my medicine.

i am breaking...

do i belong here?

what am i?


Lord I feel dead to this world. I feel like I barely know you or myself.

I feel like I'm just not good enough and I feel lackluster. Where is the internal drive?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Thank you for helping me learn a lot where I'm at.
Thank you for turning me away from many of the demons that I've been enslaved to.

I don't think I'm standing on you though.
I don't think I'm drawing hope from you.
And I think I'm falling to pieces.

I can barely wake up...


What is right to do in this circumstance?

Everyday I'm told it could be my last day, do I really want this, now's my chance to answer.

When the odds are stacked against me,
when it seems that
Indian Children, indian children

(no subject)

You are officially old...

when you roll your eyes when your house schedules a party...

when you are dude walking down the street wearing dress shoes, high black socks, shorts, and a sleeveless outdated shirt "trendy" shirt and you don't care...
Indian Children, indian children

(no subject)

before internship, I couldn't discipline myself to keep a schedule,
I couldn't stop drinking,
I kept returning to smoking,
and falling in pornography,
not getting enough sleep,
never exercising,
couldn't discipline myself to read the Bible,
always wasting time,
feeling lazy.

Now, I feel like I'm wasting time just writing this reflection...
Like I will cause a cataclysmic event if I drink one beer,
Like I must go to bed at 10 because no matter what I'll still wake up like I got no sleep,
Like I must carry a water bottle at all times,
Eat three healthy meals a day,
Like I don't have enough energy for lust,
Like the Bible is there to keep me alive,
Like I'm infinitely behind no matter what,
always walking to and from school and college-- sometimes as much as 60 minutes a day.

Like I don't have to worry about wasting another Saturday,
because it's already booked with tuition payments, cascades of homework, required housework, and even a 2-3 hour visit to the elementary school.

This is my life.